finally, some change! and an excuse to talk about relationships

I know I promised that I was going to start posting and updating Wordpress. Well, Wordpress is finally updated (after a two-day battle), I am writing this post as we speak AND a new layout idea is in the works! That “new layout” will probably just be a different banner image because we all know how lazy I get with web/graphics work I’m not getting paid for.

Also, I finally updated the about me page to reflect some of the changes in life, which I’m about to elaborate on.

So, right…changes. In the past year, I’ve gotten a new job, a new apartment, and got out of a long relationship that was well past its expiration date. And you know what? I’m so elated about all of it. The job is old news, and the apartment was a result of said break up so we’ll start there.

Two months ago, I got out of a 3.5 year relationship. I guess because the break up was well overdue, I felt relieved when it finally happened. I’ve already mourned the relationship millions of times so there were no tears when it finally ended, just a sense of freedom. I know, isn’t that sad? You know you need to end a relationship when you feel trapped in it. Ironically, that’s when it’s the hardest to leave.

Anyways, the break up caused a lot of changes in my life. It was the catalyst for some good, much needed changes. For example, I started working out more to get back my post-relationship body. I starting going out with friends more and having more fun. And I quickly lost that omg-nobody’s-ever-going-to-love-me-ever-again emoness that sometimes accompanies a break up. And for the first time in a long time, I was so happy (and I still am!). All I needed was endorphins, a little alcohol, and some good times.

But the break up wasn’t roses all the way. We lived together and shared everything, so splitting all those assets, bills, etc, up was a nightmare and a half. So much so that I would have to think really hard about integrating my life with someone else’s like that ever again (unless a ring is involved).

Yesterday I was looking at old pictures, and I thought, “Seriously? This was my life?” Looking back, everything seems so…something. Grimy? Mediocre? Frustrating? All of the above? I have this theory that people only take pictures of happy times. And there weren’t a lot of pictures from the past 3 years with just him and me. All of my pictures were car shows, dogs, or my friends.

So I started reflecting about why I was so unhappy, and I can’t quite put it into words but I think part of it is that I became extremely complacent. I can’t believe I fell into that trap. I’ve vowed not to do that with the next one. I’ve vowed not to repeat a lot of mistakes, but that’s what life is. You live, learn, and do better next time.

After everything went down and I knew change was coming, I thought I would miss my old apartment and life. When I moved out, I made a big deal of saying goodbye to the place I lived in for the past two years. That’s the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere except my parent’s house. It was just starting to really feel like home. I thought I would miss the 90 square feet I was giving up, the office space, the huge bathroom; but I’m falling in love with the new apartment. It’s open, everything is shiny and new (to me), and best of all, I have the whole damn place to myself! Ha!

Life is pretty great right now, I can’t complain too much. Now if only I could finish my damn degree next semester. But I’ll save that rant for another time.