open letters, part 1

I have some things to get off my chest (as always), but these grievances are addressed to specific people. Here we go.

Dear Man sitting behind Bill Worrell at the Rockets vs. Kings game,

Were you aware that everyone in Houston watching the broadcast could hear you taunting T-mac, telling him he should have eaten his “wheaties?” Better yet, do you know how ignorant and hick-like you sound? I guess not, otherwise you would have shut your mouth and spared all of us the agony of listening to you. We in Houston did not appreciate being subject to listening to your continuous, stupid, meaningless heckling. I used to think of Sacramento as an intelligent, charming city. You have single handedly proved me wrong. Please go choke on some of those Wheaties you love so much. Thanks!

Coincidentally, both the Rockets and the Astros lost tonight. Each by one point.

Dear Stephen King,

Congratulations on making The Mist. I am now truly frightened of driving around in the mist. Really, I am. Also, the ending of your movie was really…upsetting. I must say, my remaining hope in humanity went down the drain with the ending. Well, it actually started going down the drain when everyone started buying into the extremely pious, crazy lady because I know that in our society, most people would probably do the same thing.